Cue the World’s Smallest Violin: Man Mortgages House for Micropenis Cure
While having a micropenis is no laughing matter, it’s the end of the day and I feel like having a little chuckle. A really little chuckle.
First, the backstory: “Mike” (last name :”Ro-Johnson”) is a 33-year-0ld Australian man with a “basically infant sized” penis. A micropenis, for all you penile aficionados out there, is any erect penis that stands less than 2 3⁄4 inches. It’s caused him a lot of distress in life. He’s only had sex twice — unbeknownst to the women he had sex with — he didn’t play football for fear of the locker room — and you know how straight boys love to grab gab on the penis — and he has low-hanging self-esteem.
Since, much like me, people tend not to take micropenii seriously, Mike has had a hard time bringing up his member. Once, his mother took him to a female pediatrician to discuss his teeny peeny, and the doctor simply responded, “I’ve seen smaller” followed by, “On your husband last night!” Then there was a rimshot and everyone laughed and laughed and laughed and Mike died inside.
Frustrated by being dicked around, Mike mortgaged his home to pay for the $45,000 surgery, which still, sadly, left him limp.

However Mike said he failed to see significant improvement because a ligament regrafted itself onto a dermal fat graft and he is still yet to have post-surgery intercourse.

Aaaah! My eyes and ears! Make that image go away!
"Pre-surgery, I was 2-3cm flaccid and I’m now 4cm," Mike told MSN in 2012. “My erection is probably around 7cm.”
And that one too.
However, Mike — much like the two women he had sex with — is not going to take his micropenis lying down. He’s ready to shell out another $68,000 for two more surgeries to put the man back in his manhood.
The real travesty here is that if Mike was gay this wouldn’t be a big problem. It would be a micro-problem, but he could just bottom out and call it a gay. Of course to some gays, a micropenis is anything shorter than seven inches. So good luck to you, Mike. If this dick surgery doesn’t do well, you’ll always be a dick to me.
h/t: The Daily Mail

Cue the World’s Smallest Violin: Man Mortgages House for Micropenis Cure

While having a micropenis is no laughing matter, it’s the end of the day and I feel like having a little chuckle. A really little chuckle.

First, the backstory: “Mike” (last name :”Ro-Johnson”) is a 33-year-0ld Australian man with a “basically infant sized” penis. A micropenis, for all you penile aficionados out there, is any erect penis that stands less than 2 34 inches. It’s caused him a lot of distress in life. He’s only had sex twice — unbeknownst to the women he had sex with — he didn’t play football for fear of the locker room — and you know how straight boys love to grab gab on the penis — and he has low-hanging self-esteem.

Since, much like me, people tend not to take micropenii seriously, Mike has had a hard time bringing up his member. Once, his mother took him to a female pediatrician to discuss his teeny peeny, and the doctor simply responded, “I’ve seen smaller” followed by, “On your husband last night!” Then there was a rimshot and everyone laughed and laughed and laughed and Mike died inside.

Frustrated by being dicked around, Mike mortgaged his home to pay for the $45,000 surgery, which still, sadly, left him limp.

However Mike said he failed to see significant improvement because a ligament regrafted itself onto a dermal fat graft and he is still yet to have post-surgery intercourse.

Aaaah! My eyes and ears! Make that image go away!

"Pre-surgery, I was 2-3cm flaccid and I’m now 4cm," Mike told MSN in 2012. “My erection is probably around 7cm.”

And that one too.

However, Mike — much like the two women he had sex with — is not going to take his micropenis lying down. He’s ready to shell out another $68,000 for two more surgeries to put the man back in his manhood.

The real travesty here is that if Mike was gay this wouldn’t be a big problem. It would be a micro-problem, but he could just bottom out and call it a gay. Of course to some gays, a micropenis is anything shorter than seven inches. So good luck to you, Mike. If this dick surgery doesn’t do well, you’ll always be a dick to me.

h/t: The Daily Mail

Laganja Estranja Lights Up At Krysta Youngs’s “Gold Grill BBQ”

Showing admirable restraint, Miss Estranja waits almost a full two minutes before doing one of her signature splits, instead of just death-dropping within the first five seconds of the video. It seems she’s finally learned that a deathdrop is better as a closing statement, not as an opening salvo.

5 Things You Need To Learn From E.J. Johnson, Magic Johnson’s Fabulous Son
5. When in doubt, a leopard-print kaftan is always appropriate.
Ever since Earvin Johnson III, Magic Johnson’s son, burst out of the closet and onto the scene last year, we’ve been quietly openly obsessed. He’s already got the reality show thing down as one of the stars of E!’s Rich Kids of Beverly Hills and, with his outsized personality and wardrobe, he’s poised to become a young gay version of noted heterosexual André Leon Talley.

5 Things You Need To Learn From E.J. Johnson, Magic Johnson’s Fabulous Son

5. When in doubt, a leopard-print kaftan is always appropriate.

Ever since Earvin Johnson III, Magic Johnson’s son, burst out of the closet and onto the scene last year, we’ve been quietly openly obsessed. He’s already got the reality show thing down as one of the stars of E!’s Rich Kids of Beverly Hills and, with his outsized personality and wardrobe, he’s poised to become a young gay version of noted heterosexual André Leon Talley.

Straight Dudes Get In Touch With Their Ripped, Gay Side As “Spornosexuals”

I guess we could dissect the ever-changing definition of masculinity in a world progressively less defined by gender, and how we as society tend to conflate vanity with femininity and thus homosexuality — but then again we could watch the suitably-named Joe Cocking getting into the shower in this very special report from The Telegraph.

I’m gonna go with the Cocking. As I often do. Take a note, New York Times, this is how you cover hard news.

Kids Do The Fiercest Things: Presenting The Legendary Up-And-Coming Children

Contrary to popular opinion, kids today really do know the value of hard werq. Some may decry the younger generation for its addiction to the Facetweeting and the Snapbooking, but the internet has provided all the evidence you need to show that the kids are indeed all right. Hell, they’re better than all right. They’re serving, they’re turning, they’re dipping, and they’re not apologizing for it.

Rich White Ladies Have The Song Of The Summer With “Wimbledon”

Brace yourselves for the best thing you’re going to see all week because Rich White Ladies’ video for “Wimbledon” is as perfect as perfect gets. First of all, they had me at “Rich White Ladies.” Then they slayed me with what I’m assuming are their Christian names: Tokyo Diva and Scotty Rebel. Within the first 30 seconds of the video I was planning my funeral because I was dying.

You Better “Work”: The 10 Greatest Working Gurl Anthems

As much as we’d all like to hang out all day, resting on laurels and not giving a shit, mom’s gotta work! But it’s not always easy to roll out of bed, throw on those power shoulders, stuff your heels into that Prada tote and slip your stockinged feet into a pair of trainers to greet the day. Luckily there are a number of inspiring songs that pay tribute to all the work (or werk, or werq, or worq, or wurq, or twerk) we have to do. Here’s a countdown of the 10 greatest work-themed anthems. We’re on the clock, people!

The 20 Most Inventive Strips From “Broadway Bares: Rock Hard!”

Broadway Bares: Rock Hard! raised over $1.3 million for the charity Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS and gave us James Franco in a jock strap. But even more amazing are the lengths the show’s dancers go to bare all. We’re not talking Chastity drunkenly rocking back and forth on the pole while demurely stepping out of her g-string to “A Milli”. These are professionals. And as Cher wielding a crowbar will tell you to your face, this is burlesque. It’s not enough to simply unzip you pants, or unbutton that shirt. No, to truly rock hard(!), these kids came up with the most inventive and creative ways to get ass-naked on stage. It’s called art. Here, let’s take a look at the best tearaways, cutaways, breakaways and takeaways from Broadway Bares 24: Rock Hard!